How Many Children Would Fit In The Shark?

“Daddy, how big is the biggest shark in the world?” My Five Year Old asked.

“Sharks can get really big.” I answered.

“Bigger than your car?” she asked.

“There are sharks that are bigger than a school bus.” I answered.

“Wow!” she said, “How many children would fit in it?”

“What?” I asked.

“How many children would fit in the shark that’s bigger than a school bus?” she asked.

“I have no idea sweetie.  I don’t know if anyone’s ever measured a shark that way before.”

N Is For Naughty

“Daddy, I’m too tired to do homework tonight.”

“Well okay,” I replied, “you know what the rule is.  You can always say you are too tired to do anything else tonight, but that means we go straight to bed and turn out the lights with no reading.”

“But Daddy, if I don’t do my homework I’ll get an N with a circle around it, and you know what that stands for.

“What does that stand for?”

“N is for naughty.  An N with a circle around it is short for naughty, so I can’t get an N with a circle around it.”

“N doesn’t stand for naughty sweetie, it stands for Not Complete.”

“Oh, I thought it stood for naughty.”

Different Kinds Of Infinity

infinity“Daddy, did you know that if you count numbers that they go on forever?” My Five Year Old asked me.

“Yes I did.” I replied, “Do you know what that is called when numbers go on forever.”

“Yes,” she answered, “that’s called infinity.  Morna told me that.”

“Well,” I asked, “did you know there are different kinds of infinity?”

“Oh sure,” she said, “for example there’s counting numbers, and there’s T.V. shows.”

“T.V. shows?” I asked, surprised.

“Oh sure,” she said, “whenever you finish watching a T.V. show there is always another one you can watch.”

Table For Three

My Five Year Old, My Girlfriend, and I were walking around Denton square and we went into Cartwright’s for dinner.  Cartwright’s is a casual restaurant and when we walked in we were told to seat ourselves.

My Five Year Old began walking from table to table, passing by all the tables in the front of the restaurant.  She started toward the back of the restaurant, and one of the employees said, “I’m sorry, but the back room is closed.”

My Five Year Old looked at him with exasperation and said, “But I can’t find any tables for three people!”

Another waitress overheard this and said smiling”No, we don’t have any triangle shaped tables.”

My girlfriend and I quickly explained that we could sit at a table for four and just leave a chair vacant.  My girlfriend even offered up the idea that the fourth chair could be for her purse.

 

Two Baseball Bats

Surprise Present“Daddy,” my five year old said excitedly, “I am trying to make you a surprise!”

“Oh really?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.  “I already have two baseball bats, a foam dinosaur, and some smiley face stickers.  All I need is some tape.  Can you please help me find some tape please?”

Space Treasure

My Five Year Old, My Girlfriend, and I were driving when My Five Year Old pointed toward the sky. “Look, some airplanes were there.  They left trails.” she said.

I glanced out the window and saw the white lines in the sky, “Yup” I answered.

Then, all of the sudden, My Five Year Old started getting excited.  “Those trails make an X!  And X marks the spot.  That must mean, there is treasure is space!”

Then she turned to us and asked it as a question, “Is there treasure in space?”

“Oh yes,” I replied, “there is lots of treasure in space.”

My Five Year Old got more excited as she asked the follow up question, “Like, A MILLION?!?”

At this, I was just sitting there thinking “a million what?” but My Girlfriend smiled and answered, “More than that.”

My Five Year Old’s eyes got really wide and she said, “WOW!”

He’s a Mean One!

“Daddy, there’s a spider!” my five year old yelled.

“Oh good!” I yelled back, “He’ll keep away the bugs.”

“No Daddy, you have to come get this one.” she implored.  “He’s a mean one!”

“Oh no, a mean one?” I said, “What did he do that was mean?”

“He didn’t do anything.” she said, “But he’s mean, I can tell.”

“How can you tell?” I asked.

“He looks like a mean one.  I know that look.” she answered.

I walked over and looked, “Well, it looks like he’s a dead one.  I guess the dead spiders are also the mean ones?”

“Yes daddy, now please get him.” she said.  So I got a kleenex and scooped the mean, dead thing.

Blank Pants

My Five Year Old: “Do I have any blank pants?”

Me: “What are blank pants?”

My Five Year Old: “Blank is another word for white.”

Me: “Oh?  I didn’t know that.”

My Five Year Old: “Yeah, like with paper.  You know like, I need a blank sheet of paper.”